Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
