I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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