I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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