8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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