You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
