This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
