My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
