I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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