The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
is this the sara with the beer cane?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
