when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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