I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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