I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
