its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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