You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
