Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
