Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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