The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Randomize
