Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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