i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
