can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
