Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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