My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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