He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
