It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
