It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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