this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
