I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
