Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
