so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
