I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
