Just cropdusted the office
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
