I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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