You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
