Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
