I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
