I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
