do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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