Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
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