Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
