He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Randomize
