she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
