Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
