I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
