from now on my penis is your penis
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
