Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
