I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize
