Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
