I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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