i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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