Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Sorry about my life...
So vagazzling was a success
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
