Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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