you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
